HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS: A Warning

For the last few weeks, we’ve been on a journey of creating our own happiness. First, we embraced our solitude and learned how to be okay with being alone. Then, we started the process of learning how to love ourselves—our whole selves, flaws and all. Finally, last week, we talked about the importance of bravery in creating happiness.

If you give the practices each week a good try, something magical may happen.

You may realize that you can live a full, fabulous life all by yourself. You may realize that you don’t actually need anyone else’s permission or approval to chase your dreams. You may even realize that it’s actually kind of fun to be alone!

This is where you have reached a critical juncture.

It may now become very tempting for you to think that you are so good at creating your own happiness that you don’t actually need anyone else to be happy.

And this is where you would make a terrible error.

Because even though it’s important to be able to create your own happiness, and to find it independently of who you are with—at the end of the day, you still need people. You still need community. You still need people who have walked the same road as you and whose sandals are dusty like yours.

God made us like himself, after all, and even He lives in community: The Holy Trinity.

God did that on purpose, too.

We need each other’s courage and stories and most of all, we need each other’s company.

Yes, you are capable of making your own happiness, at least for a time. You can do the hard work it takes to be happy in your skin and content with your own company. You can endure the silence, you can learn to love yourself, you can try brave new adventures.

But you still need someone you can tell all your stories to.

Maybe that person is your husband, your boyfriend, or your significant other. (Though here’s another warning: your SO cannot and should not be your only friend.)

Maybe those people are your bible study friends.

Maybe that person is your best friend who lives four states away.

But please, friend, even as you find your wings and learn how to take the world by storm, don’t be tricked into thinking you can or should do it all alone.

We need each other. We need each other’s strengths. We need each other’s weaknesses. We need each other’s courage and stories and most of all, we need each other’s company.

And guess what: your Facebook friends don’t count. Do the hard work of investing in real-life, face-to-face friendships. Find the people that you can share your heart with, and who love you for you.

Build a community for yourself, and be community for others. Because at the end of the day, you do, in fact, need authentic friendships to be happy.

Do This to Create Your Own Happiness:

Practice #1: Check in on a friend

This week, check in on a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Call her, text her, write her a letter—anything to let her know you’re thinking of her. She may respond. Or she may not. But you’re not doing it for the immediate response. You’re doing it to take one step toward authentic community.

Practice #2: Plan an outing for a group of friends (or acquaintances)

Sometimes, you have to be the leader, even among your friends. People are often willing to have fun adventures together, they just need someone to make it happen. This week, be that person. Is there an upcoming game you want to catch? Text a group of friends who may also want to see it and suggest getting together at your local sports bar. It can be a big event or just going to grab ice cream with a friend or two.

Practice #3: Extend everyone a lot of grace

I know, I know. Here we go again with that grace thing. But life happens. Things come up. Kids get sick. Responsibilities crop up. Your friends may not be able to make it to an outing this week, or next week, or the week after that. But don’t give up.

Keep putting into practice all the Happiness Tips from the last few weeks, and keep taking little steps forward in all areas. Soon, you’ll have the full life you’ve always dreamed of, and the confidence to make the necessary changes when things get hard.

What’s been the biggest take-away for you these last few weeks? What are you most excited to try? Have you had any “aha!” moments? Tell me about it in the comments below!