“May we be filled with wonder at God’s love, at God’s forgiveness, at God’s unswerving hope in us.”
-Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C.
The morning creeps forward, snowy and quiet. It was only supposed to snow for an hour overnight, but we wake to the muted glimmer of snowflakes everywhere—in the dog’s eyebrows, in her eyelashes, in the bare branches of the spindly desert trees.
A quiet morning, near the end of a wild, raucous, angry year, opens like an invitation. The morning stands in such stark contrast to the year thus far that it practically begs us to dip our toes in wonder.
2020 Thus Far
2020 has been about one thing above all: the quest for answers.
We want specifics. We want facts. We want evidence and stone-cold proof.
We want answers because we have questions:
When will the pandemic be over?
How do we end racism in this country?
When will the media start telling the truth? (Did it ever stop telling the truth?)
Can’t we all just grow up?
All of our questions are really born from one question: Whose fault is it, and how do we make them pay?
We want to know who to blame. We want to know how to make them fix what they broke. We want to know, in our quest for justice, what to do as punishment—what will make up for all the pain they caused us this year?
A Dark Wonder
In her book Come, Lord Jesus: Meditations on the Art of Waiting, Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C., reminds us that of all the “expressions of our humanity,” one of the few that will come with us to Heaven is our capacity for wonder.
She says this:
“Wonder is so radical to the human heart. But it is we who decide what kind of wonder fills our hearts. Sometimes there can be a depressive wonder […]. But all these human wonderings, which, left to themselves, can become a dark wonder, must be changed into the wonder of light, that God does know exactly what he is about.”
Come, Lord Jesus, pg. 36
Sounds to me that learning how to use wonder the right way should be a top priority on this side of eternity.
Dark wonder looks for answers, but the “wonder of light” simply marvels at the goodness that surrounds us even when things go wrong. The wonder of light grows and grows, Mother says, and relishes in the possibilities that surround us.
What a sorrow it would be, then, to waste our capacity for wonder on blame, doubt, anger, shame, or vengeance.
The theme for Advent this year, for me, is to flip the script on wonder. I don’t want to live in the dark side of wonder any more. I don’t want to wallow in doubt, bathe in self-pity, or marinate in blame. I don’t want to feast on anger any more.
Life is too short.
God’s gifts are too good.
How to Find Wonder
Finding wonder is simple: pay attention to goodness.
There is still goodness available to us, in quiet, simple moments: morning coffee while the snow falls; laughing with your mom on the phone because your four-year-old niece learned the correct context in which to use “dammit;” the kindness of the cashier at the grocery store, despite the long line of shoppers behind you.
But we have to choose to see goodness, to enjoy it, and choose not to dismiss it just because it doesn’t solve everything.
No, these quiet, simple moments of goodness don’t take away the hard work that life requires. They don’t take away our problems, fears, sickness, or despair.
But they do reveal a mystery: that life can be good even when it isn’t easy; life can be worth living even when uncertainty is our constant companion.
See goodness today.
Enjoy it.
Let it exist alongside your struggles.
Wonder at how goodness can be here, even now.
“Let us never be filled with dark wonder at the things that go wrong and the things that are wrong, but let us be filled with wonder that God can make all things right and that he will if we allow him. […] May we be filled with wonder at God’s love, at God’s forgiveness, at God’s unswerving hope in us.”
Come, Lord Jesus, pg. 38-39
Keep Track of Wonder
As I think more and more about wonder—and how easy it is for me to dwell on dark wonder—I decided I need to keep track of wonder. So over on Instagram, I decided to use #WednesdayWonder to help me do just that.
Feel free to join me there and track your own wonder. I can’t wait to see what you come up with! And who knows, maybe I’ll share some of your #WednesdayWonder posts in my stories! 🙂
Or, if you’d rather keep your observations between you and me, you can send me a quick note here.
Yes, let’s be willing students of wonder this Advent so that on Christmas morning we can marvel at the greatest wonder of all: that God loves us so much that he came to be with us in every expression of our humanity.
