Most of us have grown up hearing that old idiom, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” or some variation of it.  If you study Scripture, you know it’s part of an Old Testament command from God, and it’s reiterated by Christ in the Gospels, and again by St. Paul in his letter to the Romans (Lv 19:18, Mt 19:19, Rom 13:9).

That’s great and all, but what if you don’t love yourself?  What if you look in the mirror and see a body or features you’re not happy with?  What if you look back on your life, and all you see are failures, mistakes, and missed opportunities?  What if your love for yourself is conditional, resting upon your accomplishments, how perfectly you plan your son’s birthday party, how much weight you lose, how much money you make?

In that case, I’d say it’s pretty hard to love your neighbor.  It’s hard to really love him, to come to his aid, and love him unconditionally right where he is, simply for who he is.  If you can’t love yourself right where you are, how can you do the same for your neighbor?

Your neighbor could be anyone—the guy that actually lives next door to you, but more likely, your neighbor is the person or people who live with you, your family, your husband, your wife, your kids, your siblings.

Certainly, it’s possible to do good by your neighbor, even if you don’t love yourself.  It’s possible to do kind things for her, show her respect, just like you probably do kind things for yourself and respect yourself.  It’s another thing entirely to really love your neighbor, come to her aid when things get rough, be willing to step into her mess with her, if you won’t even do the same for yourself.

What I’m proposing is more than just positive thinking, or a sappy embrace of all our flaws and weaknesses.  I’m talking true love, love that’s unafraid to step in the ring, get its hands dirty, and sacrifice so things can be better.  It’s easy for me to think about doing that for others—I’m a missionary, it’s my job to do that for others—but I know, deep down, that a part of me will always hesitate, will always be a little scared of doing that for others until I am willing and unafraid to do the same for myself.

It all makes sense, right?  But how do we do this?

You tell me.  Leave your comment below.  Let me know what you think.