I said “Great,” not “Perfect”: How greatness is not the same as perfection

I’m driven. You may have gathered that from the fact that the premise of my blog is to be great.

Being driven is a good thing—it’s the driven people who make new discoveries, find new remedies, accomplish important things, go further and faster than we would have thought possible.

They’re the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jrs. of the world who refuse to settle for a status quo that’s oppressive and wrong. They’re the change-makers and victory-winners. Being driven, wanting more, striving for the best—all of those are good things.

The flip side can be dangerous, though.  Being driven can become a bad thing when our pursuit of bigger, better, and more leads us to never being able to make a mistake. 

Greatness does not equal perfection.

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “Duh, Carrie.  No one expects you to be perfect.”  You’re probably more merciful than I am, because I expect myself to be perfect.

How the ‘perfection’ mentality keeps you stuck

Case in point: in college, I was obsessed with getting perfect grades. I wanted to graduate with a 4.0 with the fury of a thousand suns. I worked myself hard, striving for perfection in every class. I set a high standard for myself, and I did everything I could to reach it. I stayed up late, worked hard, and mastered class after class.

Until my junior year, when I got my first B. It was brutal. It was a sucker punch. I knew it was coming—it was one of those classes that drained me of my will, plus I had had less-than-perfect attendance—but it was still unthinkable.

In my mind, I had failed. All that I worked hard for was falling down around me. My dreams of a 4.0 were done. My chances of getting into a top-tier law school were gone. I was ruined.

That’s just one example of my “perfect or bust” mentality. I don’t wake up every day thinking “I must be perfect.” Far from it. Instead, I cut myself zero slack. Any time I mess up, even slightly, I am hard on myself, unforgiving in ways that sometimes border on self-loathing. In fact, I’ve noticed that usually, if I can’t do something perfectly, I don’t even try.

But let me tell you a secret about that time I got a B. I thought it destroyed my chances of reaching a fake ideal, but it really set me free. I didn’t have to strive for a barely-reachable standard any more. I could be human again. I stopped being so hard on myself, and let myself live.

How greatness is not the same as perfection

You might struggle to see the difference between greatness and perfection, especially when society seems to conflate the two. Just look at any broadcast of the Summer or Winter Olympics, or any other sporting event in the US: the athletes we laud as being the “GOAT” (“greatest of all time”) usually have impressive statistics and long hours in practice every day. Their quest for perfection in their sport is called “greatness.”

But is it?

What if greatness involves completely different metrics?

2. Greatness asks for selfless sacrifice. Perfection demands sacrifice for self.

Another reason it might be easy to conflate perfection and greatness is because we so often hear about people pursuing excellence in their field in terms of “greatness.” One example is sports: any professional athlete who excels is called the GOAT, or greatest of all time. No doubt, every athlete who reaches the highest levels of their sport has worked hard to get there. They sacrificed countless hours in practice, when they could have done something else with their time. Their dedication and discipline is admirable. But in a way, their sacrifice was for themselves–their legacy or their fame.

Playing a sport or an instrument is a wonderful way to practice the discipline it takes to achieve true greatness, but in and of themselves, the sacrifices an athlete or a musician might make aren’t what make that person great.

The kind of sacrifice that creates true greatness is selfless. Said another way, you are closer to greatness when you sacrifice for someone else’s benefit. 

I can’t help but draw a comparison here between true greatness and Tom Brady. I’m not in his marriage, so I can’t really speak to why he’s choosing football over his marriage and family. But on the surface, from the extreme distance looking in, it might be easy to conclude that Brady is not choosing greatness. To choose greatness, he could sacrifice for his family and leave the sport he loves. One interpretation is that his sacrifice to stay in football–the sacrifice of his family–is a selfish one. He’s choosing perfection (or at least excellence) instead of greatness.

A more recent example of this sort of kindness is Leslie Jordan, who sadly lost his life earlier this week. Leslie was kind to others, probably because he had learned how to be kind to himself, after growing up as a gay man in a very conservative environment. Sometimes the hardest place to learn how to be kind to yourself is in your own hometown, or even closer to home: in your own mind.

Take a step toward greatness today. Do one kind thing for yourself (like go to bed on time, drink an extra glass of water, let yourself have a night in instead of being on the go every minute of the day). Then, do one kind thing for someone else.

Set yourself up for success: make friends with greatness.

Those impossible standards of perfection we set for ourselves—they’re not empowering us to reach for the heights; they’re clipping our wings before we even take flight. They’re keeping us so paralyzed that we’d rather let life pass us by than really try and risk failure.

Here’s a reminder for both of us:

Failure is an option. It’s ok to make a mistake. In fact, it’ll be the mistakes that teach us the most about what being great is all about.

Let’s be great, not perfect.

This post was originally published on August 20, 2014.