God didn’t leave you behind when you left the mission field.
Full-time lay missionary work is one of the least talked-about vocations in the Church. It’s not one of the “big 3”—single life, marriage, or religious life/holy orders—but it’s a vocation nevertheless. I was blessed to spend four wonderful years as a full-time missionary, and these were some of the best years of my life.
But real talk?
The year after I left missions was one of the hardest of my life. (Here’s just one example of the kind of writing I did that first year. Not the cheeriest stuff, ya know?) No one prepared me for what “real life” would look like, or how to do even the most mundane tasks. I learned them all the hard way—by feeling my way through every difficult emotion and learning how to adult mostly by failing. So I wanted to share some hard-earned wisdom with anyone who’s about to leave missions or anyone who has recently left.
Don’t for a minute believe that God left you behind when you left the mission field.
You Left Missions. Stop Trying to Live a Missionary Schedule!
One of my biggest struggles after leaving missions was trying to keep living a missionary prayer schedule while also working a 40+ hour job. Yes, that meant I tried to go to Mass every day, pray a holy hour every day, and because I also lived in another community at the time (shout out to the Goretti House!), that also included community prayer time and community activities like dinners and game nights.
To put it mildly, I was exhausted.
Who saved me? Not my own intelligence, I’ll tell you that much.
St. Francis de Sales.
That year, I read Introduction to the Devout Life. In one section, St. Francis de Sales talks about different life callings, and how we have to be faithful to our calling, and not worry about the rest. He more or less says, “Imagine how silly it would be for a lady at court to try to live like a nun, or for a nun to live like a queen, or for the father of a family to live like a monk! Who would provide for his family if he lived a vow of poverty?!” (This is a big paraphrase—when I find the direct quote I’ll cite my source, pinky promise.)
St. Francis de Sales helped me realize what should have been obvious: I wasn’t a missionary any more, so I didn’t have to live like one. I had no obligation to keep such a rigorous prayer schedule, and I wasn’t a failure because I couldn’t keep up with a made-up obligation. It was more than okay to adapt my prayer schedule to my new obligation: my job.
My morning prayer became 30 minutes of quite contemplation, and besides that, my work became my prayer. (But I still tried to go to daily Mass as often as I could. 😊)
Enjoy Your Life. Not Every Minute Has to be in Service to Others.
Now that you’ve left missions (or are about to), it might be hard to shake the feeling that you should constantly serve. But perhaps the greatest act of gratitude you could offer God is to release the expectation that you have to serve and to actually get out there and enjoy your life.
Learn who you are outside of the structure of mission life. Now that you have time to invest in your hobbies, what do you really like doing? What new hobbies could you try even if you think you have no natural talents for anything in particular?
Since missions, I’ve discovered that I love making candles, painting, and baking. Pre-Covid I also had a great time playing trivia and lifting weights. (Yes, me! In a weight room! Talk about unexpected!) I would have NEVER known that if I hadn’t let myself take a break from ministry/service and just figure out who I am!
Don’t get me wrong, ministry and service are beautiful, generous acts of love for Jesus. But here’s the thing: rest is just as holy as service. If no one else has said it to you: you have permission to rest.
Yes, Life Might Be More Mundane Now…But It Still Has Meaning
I know, one of the hardest things about this new season is that it feels so much less significant, so much less meaningful.
I resonate so strongly with that feeling–it’s one of the main reasons I shifted my focus for this blog.
Because your life DOES have meaning. It IS significant. You may not be on the front lines of missionary work any more, but God is still present to you. Stay present to these feelings of futility. Stay present to your frustration, your boredom. Bring it all to God and don’t be afraid to let it be difficult.
Bills, Taxes, Insurance—It’s All Figure-Out-Able!
If you’re like me, and you entered missions right out of college, you’ll now have to figure out all the stuff everyone else your age figured out years ago. But don’t worry—even though you’re the most recent person to figure this out, you’re not the first. It’s new to you, but it’s not new to the world. Learn from others, and don’t be afraid to do what works for you even after you learn from others.
Use TurboTax. It’s free! And pay off your credit cards. You’ll thank me later.
Listen, friend. You did a wonderful thing by giving part of your life to full-time missions. There may be difficult days ahead as you get used to your new season, but don’t for a minute believe that God left you behind when you left the mission field. Take good care of yourself, even when it all feels futile. God delights in you, always—and you don’t even have to lead a bible study to earn it.
If you were a full-time missionary who transitioned into “real” life, what was your biggest “aha!” moment after leaving missions?
If you just left missions or are about to, what is your biggest struggle and/or question?
Share in the comments below!
P.S.: Here’s another former missionary who has some sage advice. Check her out.
Carrie this is important stuff and should be included in any time of missionary life. So many leave with wounds open and no path forward. Thanks for this practical advice and the beginning of some hope for others.
Thank you so much, Michael! It’s a start…I have so much to say about this, that I might just have to do another post at some point.
There’s so much in this that I experienced as well. In my first year out of missions I went from full speed to zero as far as prayer life. I’m still sorting out what prayer life looks like for a father while working in youth ministry. My struggle was a lack of personal habits because everything in missions was communal. I had no problem getting to prayer and mass when it was an external motivation/expectation. But with those expectations gone I had to motivate myself, and I have found I do not respond to internal goals/motivations very well (or at all really). Still learning, still growing. Thanks for sharing Carrie.
Nate! Thank you so much for sharing this. I agree, it was easier when it was communal. I can only imagine what it’s like to balance prayer life with family life….I can barely manage prayer life as a single person! I am also still learning and growing.
Hey Carrie,
Thank you for sharing! All of this is so true. Even now I notice that I am still working through a few things, even though it’s been over 6 years … Right now I am working full time for the church and get to work with Focus Missionaries which is a big joy but I permanently have to force myself not to compare and trying to live the same thing like having a holy hour every single day but obviously this is not where I am called to be right now….