Embrace this season of your life and enjoy it.
If you had told me when I was 20 that at 32, I still wouldn’t be married, I would’ve punched you in the throat.
I was the girl with the Pinterest board for my wedding: colors, dresses, engagement ring ideas, favors, all of it.
Did I even have a boyfriend? No, I did not.
I did have a crush on a guy on the Air Force! And you better believe that I scoured The Knot for all the things you’re supposed to do in an Air Force wedding. Never mind the fact that my crush lived across the country and had a girlfriend of his own.
But you guys, I just wanted to be married.
Thankfully one summer day, when I was 22 or 23, I had a bit of an epiphany while I was scrolling through wedding ideas on Pinterest: This is not real life, I realized. My actual life is passing me by while I indulge a fantasy on Pinterest. This is not what God wants for me!
Ever since that day, the only reason I pin anything to my wedding board on Pinterest is to save ideas for friends’ weddings, and only the weddings I’m actually in. (Which, for the record, has only been two to date, so the wedding board is almost completely a thing of the past.)
I’m proud to say that I’ve come a long way from the 20-year-old version of myself. Don’t get me wrong: I definitely still want to get married. Some days, being single is literally the worst. But most days, I embrace the single season of my life and I try to enjoy the hell out of it.
As we approach Valentine’s Day, and even long after it, here are 11 ways you can embrace being single.
1. Invest in your talents and hobbies.
Whether you have a knack for art, baking, fishing, hunting, ceramics, candle-making, or even roller blading, give yourself the gift of increasing your skill. Take a class if you want to, commit to making one new recipe per month, or just practice your favorite talent/hobby on a regular basis.
Do this because it’s fun and you enjoy your talent/hobby, not to make money as a side hustle. Do your thing simply for the sake of enjoying it. Not everything you do has to be a source of income!
2. Sleep starfish style if you want.
In other words, take up space in your own life. Sleep willy-nilly across the bed. Don’t stay small because you’re saving space for an imaginary person who’s not here yet. This can be a metaphor for so many things. Take your starfish attitude into all corners of your life. Enjoy it!
3. Seriously, have fun!
Enjoy this season. Being single isn’t a burden, but a beautiful opportunity to discover who you truly are.
4. Travel
Even if it’s a day trip to a state or national park. Get out there and explore the world.
5. Do the work your future self, married or single, will thank you for.
Face your fears. Challenge yourself. Go to therapy. Pay off your debt. Use this time, and the space and freedom it affords, to make yourself the kind of person you would want to marry. Do what it takes to grow yourself in ways that, yes, are difficult…but will make you someone you admire.
If you do one day get married and have a family of your own, your married self, your husband/wife, and your kids will thank you for having done your work before they were part of the equation.
6. Build authentic community and real friendships.
Do this now! You’ll need these people when you’re married because your future spouse is NOT supposed to be your whole life. Building strong community now will only reap rewards for you in the future, and will make your current season that much more fun.
7. Build a habit of daily alone/quiet time.
Even if you’re an extrovert, learn to love the peace and quiet. Turn your phone off for an hour every day—this will help you embrace your holy solitude.
8. Commit to learning something new every day (or at least every week).
Your mind is hungry for knowledge and growth; why not feed it what it craves? Plus, this will make you a very interesting person.
The opportunities for learning are endless. Sign up for Masterclass online, check out a book from the library, join a knitting group on Facebook or Reddit, or do a virtual book or Bible study.
9. Work out – IF you want to.
Go for a walk. Do yoga. Lift weights. Jump on an elliptical. Whatever you do, make sure it’s for YOU and how YOU want to feel, not for a boy, a girl, or to fit in a swim suit. Just have fun and do what you enjoy—forget society’s crazy standards for hotness. You do you, boo boo, and get active in a way that you enjoy.
10. Clean your room.
I know, I know. This probably seems to be contrary to your newfound starfish attitude, but it’s not. You don’t have to go overboard here and be a neat freak, or make your home look like a magazine.
Just don’t underestimate the self-loving, brain-clearing power of a clean space.
11. Find a way to give back, volunteer, or serve.
Grow your generosity muscle. Not only does this make you kind and help you learn how to be a person for other people, but doing this will teach you some of the selflessness you’ll need if you get married one day. Marriage will not be easy (even though it will be really rad) and the best way to make sure you’ll be selfless then is to work on being selfless now.
What everything on this list boils down to is: it’s up to you to build a big, full, beautiful life today, because a spouse will bless you…but they will not complete you. It’s not their job and frankly, it’s unfair to burden them with the expectation that they will. Embrace your single life for the fun of it, as well as to make yourself a better offering to your future family.
You’ll be glad you did.
Do you have any other tips for how to embrace being single? I’d love to hear about it!
