Five years ago, I had just moved back to Atlanta after three marvelous years in Nashville. I didn’t mind being back in Atlanta, but the move wasn’t my choice—I had just been laid off from my job in Nashville a few months before, and Atlanta is where I found a job.
Sadly, the job I found turned out to be miserable.
I knew almost immediately that I wasn’t a great fit for the team. My outlook on life and work was too different. I like to laugh and have some fun at work, but no one there had a sense of humor. I believe that work teams are best built on trust and mutual respect, but I soon realized that I would have to work harder and longer to earn trust there than I ever had to in any other job before.
A few months in, I knew I needed to find another job. But I had worked at my previous job for less than a year before being been laid off. Before that, I had worked as a legal assistant for a year-and-a-half, and before that, I had been a missionary. Because my resume, up to that point, was filled with less-than-traditional work experience, and so much change, I felt I needed to stay at that job—despite the misery—for at least two years.
For the next 18 months or so, I came to work every day and tried to do my best, keep my chin up, and keep learning, all while counting down the days until I could start applying for other jobs. As the two-year mark drew ever closer, I looked forward with anticipation to the day I could say goodbye forever to the dysfunction and stress that marked every day at that company.
Apply, apply, apply…
May 2019 hit and I applied for several jobs at once: a high school in Nashville, a marketing company in Atlanta, a university in Atlanta. Nothing came of those applications, so I applied elsewhere: a university in Nashville, a sports team in Atlanta, the Diocese of Nashville for a job in youth ministry…but again, nothing.
2019 bled into 2020, and I applied for still more openings: marketing jobs, content writing jobs, youth ministry jobs, university jobs—all positions that I had experience in and felt confident that I could learn anything I didn’t know. Some would have been a stretch for me, and some I was certainly overqualified for, but some would have been a perfect fit.
But not a single one came to be.
I struggled to understand why God wasn’t helping me out of the quagmire of misery I found myself in. Didn’t he see that I was at my wit’s end, that I was doing everything I could to help myself—to help him help me? What was the point in making me suffer further?
Eventually, it was too difficult to balance the job I had (and needed!) with my quest to find a new job that might be more enjoyable and less dysfunctional. I had to accept that, for whatever reason, God wanted me there. Despite my best efforts, he was maybe even keeping me there.
God was asking me to stay.
So, I made the best of it. I kept being a team player. My mantra was “fake it til you make it,” and some days, I actually felt content at this job, because I was too stubborn to let them steal any more of my joy than I had already given away. I found ways to benefit my company while also enhancing my own knowledge and skills. I soon learned that I really enjoyed email marketing. I learned everything I could about it. I earned a certification in email marketing and one in content marketing. If God wanted me there so badly, the least I could do was show up with my whole heart for as long as God asked me to stay.
If that’s you today: stuck in a dead-end situation, whether it’s work or otherwise, I hope you can find solace in my story.
God is with you.
As Philippians 1:6 says, God can and will complete the work he has begun in you. The frustration you feel is likely a gift from God, reminding you that things can be better. He will bring this situation to some benefit for you because even though it feels like he’s letting you languish in an impossible situation for way too long, God is faithful.
In every frustrating moment, God provides the chance to learn and grow. He provides the chance to trust him more. He provides the opportunity for you to grow in courage, virtue, and hope. You get to decide whether you want to take advantage of those opportunities, cling to God’s presence, or wallow in self-sufficient misery.
I’m not saying you should ignore your feelings and don the cloak of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity helps no one and nothing. But, knowing that God is with you and that he allows nothing to be wasted can give you the peace you need, for now, to stay in this tough situation and grow from it.
Reasons God might ask you to stay
With Jesus, nothing goes to waste. He uses anything and everything we offer him, especially from a place of “I have nothing left to give, Lord!” I can look back at my years of strife at that job and see some of the reasons God asked me to stay there.
1. Growth and development
Like I mentioned above, I got to learn new skills, like email marketing, that made those years bearable and help me today. Today, email marketing (and writing!) is my actual, total, paid-real-money-job. The truth is: I would never have honed these skills if I had found another job sooner.
Maybe this verse will give you comfort: “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). God has a plan, even if it seems like he’s just being absent or cruel. His plan for you is specific and for your good—and the good of the world. Perhaps you’re learning vital skills that you will need one day.
2. Learn bravery
Before this job, I was an extremely timid and cautious person. I couldn’t leave that job until I had something else lined up. In some respects, this was a prudent choice. But my fear of the unknown gave me a victim mentality and, honestly? Fear kept me there much longer than was necessary.
But along the way, with every “no” I received on the job hunt, I was slowly but surely learning about other ways to earn an income that would allow me to use my gifts. At first, I dismissed words like “freelance” and “solopreneur” as outlandish and far-fetched. Eventually, though, I realized that I had reached my limit and I needed to get creative about ways to move on. God hadn’t opened any doors for me…so what if he had given me what I needed to make my own door?
That’s exactly what I did. I eventually quit that job, sold my house, and moved home to New Mexico to start my own solopreneur life. I also went to grad school and earned a Masters’ degree, and honed my skills even further. Taking this wild leap of faith—making such a huge life change without a carefully crafted and thoroughly thought-through plan—was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. I honestly wouldn’t have been brave enough to even consider it if I hadn’t learned to persevere during the years I spent trying to find my escape hatch.
3. Mature in perseverance
Speaking of perseverance: now, when I look back on that season, I can see so clearly how God’s grace and love helped me to cultivate a persevering heart. I can’t say that I always submitted gracefully or very cheerfully to God’s plan, but I still said “yes.”
They say that God loves a cheerful giver, but I think at the end of the day, he loves any kind of giver. As long as we keep saying yes, he can work with us—even if we have to say yes with gritted teeth and bitter frustration.
I don’t know how God will continue to hone my perseverance skills in the future, but I can say that today, I am reaping the benefits of all that perseverance in Atlanta. I learned so much about myself, my needs, and my industry. Today, so many of my dreams are coming true: a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man, working for clients who share the same worldview as me and who work hard to create healthy organizations, and a sense of hope and wholeness I feared I would never experience again.
Wherever you find yourself today, know that God is with you. He hasn’t left you or abandoned you, and he doesn’t enjoy your suffering.
As Fr. Mike Schmitz says, “Keep talking to God,” no matter where you find yourself today. It might be difficult to see it now, but Jesus lets nothing go to waste—and he will use this period for your benefit in the future.
Carrie, this was a beautiful testimony of patience and learning to trust Good. Thanks! I needed it today.
Terry, thank you so much for you kind words! I am so happy you feel encouraged. God is with you!